Jake’s Top Ten Horror Films

By Jake Cordiner (@jjjjaketh)

Hey y’all, Jake here. Just a wee disclaimer before we kick things off. Some of my choices will be met with nothing but ire and PURE UNFILTERED RAGE. I’m so sorry. I wish I could make you all happy all the time but I’m a simple boy. So please, let us know what YOUR favourite horror films ever are on Twitter / Facebook / Bebo. Also, all hate should be directed to @NME on Twitter. Don’t tell them why you’re annoyed, just attack them. Finally, everything before 5 are interchangeable in order, this has been a hard process to narrow down. Now, let’s kick things off wiiiiiiiith…

10. Event Horizon (1997)

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I am a sucker for Lovecraftian/Cosmic horror, and Event Horizon fits the bill flawlessly for me. Sure, some of the acting/dialogue is corny as all hell, but when a film is as genuinely creepy and visually stunning as this, I can look past it. Watch this ASAP.

9. The Babadook (2014)

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This used to be way, way higher on my list but on repeated viewings it slowly started creeping down. I still adore it, though. A chilling film that uses a physical entity as a surrogate for the effects and strains of PTSD and depression, this film is vital viewing.

8. Kill List (2011)

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God I love Ben Wheatley. This is a proper slow burner but when it gets going, you better believe it GETS GOING, motherfucker. A lot of twists and turns coming your way when you watch this. Go in as blind as you possibly can and I promise you you won’t be disappointed.

7. [REC] (2007)

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The grandaddy of all zombie films (I’M SAYIN IT). This Spanish-language found footage barn-buster is set almost entirely in one apartment building. It is nerve-shreddingly tense, with some of my favourite jump scares ever used in film. WATCH. IT. And avoid the US remake (I think it’s called Quarantine?) at all costs. It sucked out all the life and charm from the original, as the vast majority of remakes tend to do.

6. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

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Sam Neill knows a good horror script when he sees one. This slice of Lovecraftian loveliness was panned by critics upon its release and I honestly cannot fathom why. Stunningly creepy, with great performances throughout and DIRECTED AND SCORED BY JOHN FUCKING CARPENTER this film is a fucking blast. Don’t let Rotten Tomatoes guide you, watch this at your earliest convenience.

5. Raw (2017)

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The most recent of all the entries on this list, Raw is a coming of age drama hidden in the middle of a big, cannibalistic sandwich. With a breathtaking central performance from Garance Marillier, this French-language film is a total fucking knockout.

4. The VVitch (2015)

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Oh baby I fucking LOVE The VVitch. Set in New England in the 1600s, this movie will get under your skin and stay there for days after you watch it. It also has my favourite jump scare in all of horror history (“PEEKABOO”) but it’s RUINED IN THE TRAILER so please try and avoid any marketing for this film you find on Youtube (to be honest, trailers should be abolished, but that’s an article for another day).

3. The Blair Witch Project (2016)

PLEASE DON’T HARM ME OR MY FAMILY I’M BEGGING YOU I MEAN NO HARM. I’m sorry, I really am, but this film terrified me like I’d never been terrified before when I seen it in the cinema. Taking the concept laid down by the original Blair Witch Project and running with it, this is a bold film with cracking performances throughout (including my boy FAMOUS ACTOR JAMES ALLEN MCCUNE!) This little sweetheart is on Netflix and I’d heartily recommend watching it as soon as possible.

2. The Descent (2005)

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Not that I was ever planning on becoming the type of man who explores caves, but this film has put me off that hobby FOR LIFE. The less said about this wee masterpiece the better, you will be on the edge of your seat throughout and you will become a hater of caves. See this film.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

I love horror films a lot and I meant it when I said this was a hard list to narrow down. So here are like… another 10 maybe? Vital horror films that I’d feel remiss to not mention at all. So in no particular order…
The Thing
The Conjuring
Get Out
Insidious
Alien
The Devil’s Backbone
SAW
It Follows
Evil Dead (original AND remake)
The Cabin in the Woods
28 Days Later
Coherence
The Fly
The Host
(Ok, I lied, that was 14, sorry)
AND SO MY NUMBER ONE HORROR FILM EVER IS…………..
1. Scream (1996)

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Hell yes my guys, fucking SCREAM (not a command, by the way). A complete skewering of slasher flicks by Wes Craven, the guy who basically popularised the genre. This film is creepy, suspenseful and really fucking funny all in equal measure. A true horror classic.

What are your fave horror films? let us know. And please, tell me how fucking wrong I am on the twitter: i’m @jjjjaketh. Have a swell day and happy October!!!

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